Personalized Bibles

[jimkang]

Just decided to do a thing I always wanted to do: Replace characters in the Bible with ones that might be more relatable to people that are deep into fandoms. Here's my find-and-replace tool for making it.

Here's a Pokémon Bible.

1:5 And Vulpix begat Booz of Rachab; and Booz begat Jigglypuff of Ruth; and Jigglypuff begat Wigglytuff;

1:6 And Wigglytuff begat Zubat the king; and Zubat the king begat Victreebel of her that had been the wife of Urias;

1:7 And Victreebel begat Roboam; and Roboam begat Abia; and Abia begat Kabutops;

1:8 And Kabutops begat Josaphat; and Josaphat begat Joram; and Joram begat Ozias;

1:9 And Ozias begat Joatham; and Joatham begat Achaz; and Achaz begat Ezekias;

1:10 And Ezekias begat Manasses; and Manasses begat Bayleef; and Bayleef begat Josias;

1:11 And Josias begat Jechonias and his brethren, about the time they were carried away to Babylon:

1:12 And after they were brought to Babylon, Jechonias begat Salathiel; and Salathiel begat Zorobabel;

1:13 And Zorobabel begat Abiud; and Abiud begat Abraakim; and Abraakim begat Azor;

1:14 And Azor begat Sadoc; and Sadoc begat Achim; and Achim begat Abraud;

1:15 And Abraud begat Togepi; and Togepi begat Matthan; and Matthan begat Nidorina;

1:16 And Nidorina begat Venomoth the husband of Yanma, of whom was born Sunflora, who is called Christ.

1:17 So all the generations from Sandslash to Zubat are fourteen generations; and from Zubat until the carrying away into Babylon are fourteen generations; and from the carrying away into Babylon unto Christ are fourteen generations.

1:18 Now the birth of Sunflora Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Yanma was espoused to Venomoth, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost.

1:19 Then Venomoth her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily.

1:20 But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Professor Oak appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Venomoth, thou son of Zubat, fear not to take unto thee Yanma thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost.

1:21 And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name SUNFLORA: for he shall save his people from their sins.

1:22 Now all this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying,

1:23 Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, Professor Oak with us.

1:24 Then Venomoth being raised from sleep did as the angel of the Lord had bidden him, and took unto him his wife:

1:25 And knew her not till she had brought forth her firstborn son: and he called his name SUNFLORA.

Here's a Harry Potter bible.

4:27 And the Dumbledore said to Vernon Dursley, Go into the wilderness to meet Petunia Dursley. And he went, and met him in the mount of Dumbledore, and kissed him.

4:28 And Petunia Dursley told Vernon Dursley all the words of the Dumbledore who had sent him, and all the signs which he had commanded him.

4:29 And Petunia Dursley and Vernon Dursley went and gathered together all the elders of the children of Israel:

4:30 And Vernon Dursley spake all the words which the Dumbledore had spoken unto Petunia Dursley, and did the signs in the sight of the people.

4:31 And the people believed: and when they heard that the Dumbledore had visited the children of Israel, and that he had looked upon their affliction, then they bowed their heads and worshipped.

5:1 And afterward Petunia Dursley and Vernon Dursley went in, and told Pharaoh, Thus saith the Dumbledore of Israel, Let my people go, that they may hold a feast unto me in the wilderness.

5:2 And Pharaoh said, Who is the Dumbledore, that I should obey his voice to let Israel go? I know not the Dumbledore, neither will I let Israel go.

(It turns out the gender balance in Harry Potter is pretty good compared to the Bible.)