Doctor, doctor!

[danhett]

My entry is a super quick and dirty one, documenting a conversation between a hypochondriac and their doctor. It uses a fat Yahoo answers dataset, focusing on the health questions.

Stupid and nonsensical, and also a worrying window into the kinds of things people ask anonymous strangers on the internet when something's wrong with them.

Sample:
PATIENT: but doctor, why are my eyes itching and burning all the time?
DOCTOR: the answer is that try slices of cucumber.

PATIENT: I suspected as much. how do i not make my teeth hurt after getting my braces tightened?
DOCTOR: it seems to me that plz take your child to the er asap.

PATIENT: I'm not sure I follow. why do we yawn when we see some one else yawns?
DOCTOR: I'm not sure, but i think you need to see a doctor.

PATIENT: I suspected as much. how do u get rid of paint if it sticks to your body?
DOCTOR: Hmmmm. styes tend to disappear off their own accord in about 5 to 7 days.

PATIENT: I was hoping you'd say that. how can i get my good night sleep back?
DOCTOR: Ahha, yes, the answer is that ewww worms? i don't know, sit naked out in the rain and hope they crawl to the surface.

PATIENT: oh. right. so I guess my question then is: what are the tests for tuberculosis and what is the remedy and precautions?
DOCTOR: speaking as a professional, curling up on half way or less, rather than a full sit up.

PATIENT: but what is the cause of premature ejacultion?
DOCTOR: I'm not sure, but have a smoking area far away from the non smokers, make the cafeteria smoke free, no smoking in the bathrooms.

PATIENT: I was hoping you'd say that. how to spice up our lovemaking?
DOCTOR: speaking honestly: women who work out on the stair climber machine are notorious for developing big butts.

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Dataset: https://ciir.cs.umass.edu/downloads/nfL6/
Repo: https://github.com/danhett/Doctordoctor
Story (54,000ish words): https://github.com/danhett/Doctordoctor/blob/master/story.txt