Do not, I repeat, do not...

[aaronareed]

A novel* formed from finding a list of phrases that follow "Do not, I repeat, do not", then writing a series of chapters about a hapless gentleman named Sheldon who in fact does all of those things.

Google is queried for each "do not" phrase, with all the sentences from the top hits pulled into a shaker. nlp_compromise (https://github.com/nlp-compromise/nlp_compromise) makes a cheerful and often dead wrong attempt to convert the "do not" phrase into past tense for Sheldon's transgressing opening line. A paragraph of random sentences is then assembled, replacing proper nouns with "Sheldon" and pronouns with "he/him/his" as appropriate. A second paragraph is then generated using only sentences that contain "negative" words (from the list here: http://positivewordsresearch.com/list-of-negative-words/ ). These are then roughly ordered by frequency of negative words, have their ending punctuation replaced with an exclamation point, and alternated based on length to create some action-packed consequences for Sheldon. A final sentence restate's Sheldon's mistake and expresses his regret. This is repeated for each "do not" phrase, taking Sheldon on a grand picaresque adventure.

Code: http://www.aaronareed.net/2016/donot/code.zip
Output: http://www.aaronareed.net/2016/donot/index.html

(* Note: Sheldon didn't find quite enough transgressive actions to reach a full 50,000 words, so consider this instead a NaNo(vella)GenMo entry.)

[hugovk]

The "often dead wrong attempts" at past tenses are quite fun!

"Do not, I repeat, do not allow that technology to fall into enemy hands"

Sheldon allew that technology to fall into enemy hands.

and:

"Do not, I repeat, do not come here if you aren't willing to pay $12 for a martini."

Sheldon came here if he aren'ted willed to pay $12 for a martini..

:)

By the way, I get a 404 for the code: http://aaronareed.net/2016/donot/code.zip